Fallen Pastor

Lately, both Allison and I have been ministering to fallen ministers and their significant others. A recurring theme has arisen in many of these conversations: “How angry is the ex-wife/husband in the relationship allowed to get?”

Obviously, I have experience in this arena. I hurt my ex horribly with my actions. Hurt is the emotion that arises first, then anger. Then, both of those actions work together in an often disastrous mix. I’m happy to say my former wife and I have a good relationship today.

The sin of adultery is one that cuts right to the core of humanity. Have I felt it? No, but I am the one who caused the hurt. Since my fall from ministry, I have talked to those who have been on both sides of the fence. I have heard stories of messy divorces, arguments in public, punches thrown, and angry things said to children. All of these are the consequences of sin.

The hurt doesn’t just extend to spouses. The hurt runs deep in the church as well. Weeks and months after the fall of the minister, church members hurt and anger can extend to gossip in the community, social media such as Facebook or personal altercations.

The fallen pastor may also take place in the lashing out process. He may engage in the same arenas of speaking out, justifying his actions, showing passive aggressive behavior, or getting defensive when approached.

All three of these groups show similar characteristics. All will probably say they are justified in their anger. The church, spouse and family of the spouse will point to the fallen pastor’s actions as the touchstone of their anger. It will continually be the reason for every angry action they take. “He’s the one who sinned. He caused all of this.”

The pastor who may or may not have asked for forgiveness from God may feel that he has been forgiven. He may say, “God has forgiven me, I’m moving on.”

To be sure, it is a difficult and anxious situation. I know that being in the midst of it is a continually stressful and awful time. For this blog post, I’m going to assume any range of possibilities – that the relationship between pastor and spouse could work out or that it could end in divorce. I pray that any situation be resolved. But I’d like to throw out some suggestions that might help for anyone on either side of the situation. (Also, as a disclaimer, I’m guilty of doing most of these things wrong.)

Christ calls us to be peacemakers. This applies to both sides. Being a peacemaker is not an easy thing. Especially when the other “side” is aggressive and angry. It’s especially difficult when you are also angry and want the other side to understand your position. But when you engage yourself into the position of peacemaker, you are taking upon yourself true humility.

To do so, you have to not allow things to escalate. Regardless of what someone says to you or how they say it, you must stay calm, even and at peace. Realize that peace doesn’t come from circumstances around you, but from Christ within you. Is it difficult? Yes, but it is possible.

Read more after the jump…

I’ve written about whether fallen pastors should be allowed to return to the pulpit. Some fallen pastors reconcile with their wives, some are unable to. I’ve seen men go through a process of repentance and return to a lifestyle of holiness and return to ministry.

Each time I blog about it, I mention the verses in 1 Timothy 3:1-7, Paul’s qualification for an overseer in the church. Among the qualifications, an overseer must be “above reproach, husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent, not quarrelsome, manage his household well, keep his children submissive, not be a recent convert, and be thought of well by outsiders.”

Tough list. But I think when we approach this passage, we’re missing the forest for the trees. It gets broken down into each individual characteristic. And that’s important. But we forget that basically, this is a letter from Paul to Timothy. And what is Paul doing? Answering a question on how the church should be organized and how leaders should be selected. More on that later.

I hear one comment a lot, “Well, by that list, no one could ever be a church leader. None of us is perfect.” The logic often follows that since no one could keep any of those things, the list isn’t a hard and fast list of rules. They aren’t suggestions, but a lifestyle to be maintained over the course of one’s ministry.

I suppose that there are two extremes to this. The first extreme is that no one should pastor. No one is perfect. A lot of pastors attempt to keep a perfect image, but we are all sinners. The other extreme is that anyone can pastor, regardless of sin, ongoing or repentant.

One of my guilty little pleasures is to visit my blog stats every day and find out how people found my site. It’s interesting to look at some of the search terms. Recently I saw someone searched, “My pastor is texting my wife late at night.” Another, “Can a convicted felon be a pastor?” Those are some intriguing situations.

One of the statistics I quote in my book is that in a survey of conservative ministers. 30% of them said they had either been in an ongoing affair or a one-time sexual encounter with a parishioner. And it hadn’t been reported or caught. Add on top of that what seems to be a rampant amount of pornography use by ministers and there is a serious problem lurking in the hearts of ministers today.

If the list is a hard and fast pattern of rules that once broken, disqualify people for ministry, then a lot of people are disqualified. Right now. Anyone who has lost control, not been hospitable or become violent is out. They can be mixed in with the adulterous, those who can’t keep their children in control and those who are deemed in the category, “husband of one wife.” (And that depends on who you ask. Those can be divorced men before or after becoming Christians, the single, etc.)

If a pastor has a serious, unconfessed sin and is ministering and a church holds fast to the strict interpretation of 1 Timothy 3:1-7, then I would argue that a tremendous amount of our pulpits should be vacant next week. Heck, take a look at the man’s kids. If they aren’t submissive to him, then he should be taking a sabbatical or be dismissed immediately.

Panic yet?

I don’t think those verses are an ultra-strict mandate for ministers. If that’s the case, ministry leaders across the country are in serious trouble. For all of the ministers whose sin is discovered, I’d be daring enough to say that the hidden sin is twofold.

So why this list? Is it merely a suggestion? I don’t think that’s appropriate either. Surely we don’t want rampant sin from our church leaders. We should hold our leaders to a higher moral standard. We should expect them to be hospitable, to not commit adultery, to not be violent. Right?

I think we get into trouble when we take these verses and make them into something they were never meant to be. When we emphasize parts of them with great vigor but lessen the overall picture. The church is greatest served when we imagine ourselves sitting across from Paul as he addresses Timothy and Paul answers the question, “So, what kind of church leader should we be looking for?” That way, we can see the forest for the trees.

Can you imagine it for a moment? “Hey, Paul, what kind of leaders should we be getting?” “Well, Timothy, for sure, you need overseers who are husbands of one wife.” “Wait, Paul. Do you mean by that they can’t be previously divorced or single?” “Timothy, listen. What did I say? I’m trying to give you some simple rules for leadership. Look around you. You have some people in churches who are going to the pagan temple and engaging in prostitution. So, I think being the husband of one wife is pretty simple.”

In our time, maybe we don’t allow enough humanity from our leaders. We place them on a higher pedestal than they should be. We don’t see them as completely human. When they err, we are shocked. I’m not talking about major sins, I’m speaking of just daily interaction. Do we place them under too much pressure? The Barna Group suggests that pastors are expected to juggle 16 major tasks at once.

And with this list, I think there’s a reason ministers should be mentored and trained. There’s a reason all of us are living the continued process of sanctification. All of us are growing in holiness. Any pastor worth his salt will admit that he made mistakes early on that he wouldn’t make today due to pride or ignorance. But that’s part of the growing process.

Sin is not to be taken lightly. The men who aspire to it should know that much is expected. But an over-eager application of 1 Timothy 3 isn’t going to help anyone. It will increase judgment and self-righteousness among the believers. What we should be doing is living in grace and an expectation of holiness, mentoring and discipling one another. Knowing that all of our work will be going to serve Christ and glorify what He is doing in the world.

I’ve got a fallen pastor friend that I’ve grown close to. I don’t think he reads my blog, but I hope he does. He has gone through some of the same issues I went through three and a half years ago when I fell from ministry when I committed adultery.

He fell a while back from his place of ministry. He called several months ago and we had a conversation I won’t forget:

Him: “I know you’ll be able to identify with me on this. At least I think you will. You’re the only one who seems to understand what I’m going through.”

Me: “Go for it.”

Him: “Since my wife and I divorced a while back, I’ve been seeing someone. Everything is going great, you know? I feel like despite everything, life is good. I couldn’t work things out with my wife. We tried, but we moved on. I have been working things out with God. I’m cautiously seeing this woman. I’m part of a church and that’s going well. But…”

Me: “Let me guess. You feel like the bottom is about to drop out because you don’t think you should be happy.”

Him: “How did you know?”

Me: “You said you thought I’d understand because I’d been there before.”

Him: “That’s right. It’s been a long road and I know I have a long way to go still. I don’t believe in karma, but I can’t put my finger on what it is. It’s like I’m waiting on the other shoe to drop. It’s like I don’t deserve to be happy after what I’ve put everyone else through. Like I don’t deserve to feel this good. It’s almost like God is out there waiting to punish me or put me down the second things really start going.”

Me: “I know exactly what you feel. But I need you to do something. Take a deep breath for a moment and listen. What you’re feeling is normal. But what you’re feeling comes from several places.

“First, guilt. I know you’re still working things out with God. You have a long way to go with the sin you committed. God is still working on you and I know He’s forgiven you, but you still have to reconcile that to yourself. You still have a lot of guilt stored up. You don’t feel like you deserve anything good after you cheated on your wife and hurt an entire congregation, right?”

Him: “Yeah, you’re right.”

Me: “Next, your view of God has suffered a little. In fact, it may not have ever been exactly right. Mine never was. A lot of people see God as some dude up in heaven ready to strike us down the second we get a little bit happy. Worse, we see him as a cosmic killjoy.

“I’ve told you before about how much John 8 and the story of the woman caught in adultery means to me. She was taken to Jesus and they were ready to stone her. Jesus sent them away and He did not judge her. What did He say to her after that? ‘Is anyone left to condemn you?’ I would ask you the same question, friend. If you’ve reconciled to God, is anyone left to condemn you?

Him: “No.”

Me: “No one can stand as your judge if you are forgiven by the judge of all mankind. Only God can know that. And what does Jesus say next to her? ‘Then go and sin no more.’ Listen, Christ sees our flaws, took those sins and sacrificed Himself for them. We are, indeed, awful, wretched people. But He loves us. And thank God for that. But we are free from those sins when we are forgiven, right?”

Him: “Right. We are, but it’s difficult.”

Me: “Sure it is. Both me and my wife Allison still, at times, feel like we don’t deserve anything good in life. After we committed adultery, after I hurt an entire church, hurt my ex-wife, disappointed a community, hurt my family, I didn’t feel like I ever deserved to be happy again. And still those feelings come up once and again. But Christ doesn’t withhold His blessings from me. Do I still suffer consequences because of my sin? Sure. But I have been made pure by Christ and He no longer holds my sin against me.”

Him: “You’re right, but it’s still a struggle for me.”

Me: “And it will be. It should be. It takes time. Broken relationships with people take a long time to heal. Work on your relationship with God. Live a life pleasing to Him. Work on the relationships you have that are good. When you have a chance to make things right with people, do it. Say kind words to those you have hurt. Let them see the progress Christ is making in your soul. It happens, just not overnight.”

Him: “It does take time. Thank you.”

Me: “We can sin in a moment, but coming back from it can take a very long time. But Christ is worth it. And I promise you, He wants us to be happy in His will and the life He has for us. Enjoy the life before you. Don’t spend time worrying about the sin behind you that He has forgiven. Mend those broken relationships when you can. But embrace the gracious future.”

But then again, there’s always a dissenting opinion:

When we mess up and need forgiveness, one of the most frustrating things can be when people withhold that forgiveness. I’ve tried to outline some reasons people do that, but today I want to get into one of the really nasty things that can happen after someone grants a sort of half-hearted forgiveness.

You know what I’m talking about. You’ve sinned against someone and you ask their forgiveness, but when they grant it, the forgiveness only becomes a way to keep you down. They constantly remind you of your former sin, beating you over the head with it. Or, worse, they sarcastically or subtly bring it up at an opportune time to give them a perceived upper hand.

That’s not forgiveness. And I hope that goes without saying. If someone is holding that kind of “forgiveness” over you, it’s not love, grace or kindness. It’s a power trip. And the best thing you can do is simply say, “I realize you haven’t forgiven me for the sin I’ve committed. I’ve been forgiven by God. I hope one day we can talk again about this and you can forgive me. Please let me know when we can discuss it further.”

Don’t let people hold your sin that God has forgiven you for over your head. And don’t do it to yourself either. The sin is over with and done. Will consequences still be meted out in real life for it? Sure. But there does come a time for grace and understanding. Move on. If others can’t move along with you, be patient with them.

So why do people do this? In my last blog, I gave reasons people don’t forgive. So why do people act like they forgive then drag up our sin before us in a humiliating way?

For some, it seems like a way to exercise power over another. It’s like standing there and saying, “Remember what you did? I can keep you right where I want you because I know what you did.” Guess what kills that? Public confession. When everyone knows what you did, no one person has power over you.

For others, and most of us, we feel better about our own sin when we can compare ourselves to others. When some one else commits a sin, we can always say, “Well, at least I didn’t do that.” I have a happy little theory that many people enjoy crime and reality TV because we like to know that there are people in the world worse than us. But guess what squashes this line of thinking? The ultimate righteousness of God. None of us is as good as Him. And the only one who can meet that standard is Christ.

None of us is any better than the other. In fact, we are all great at sinning. Only by the grace of Christ are we all equal. All ground is level at the foot of the cross.

Forgiveness is so awesome. And it took a fall from ministry for me to grasp it fully. It’s so awesome because it brings us to a place where we don’t have to be ashamed. We don’t have to look down on another or feel beholden to anyone else in this world. We don’t have to walk through Wal-Mart with out head down. We don’t have to worry about what others say about us because our best friend, Jesus Christ, loves us no matter what.

And guess what? If Jesus is their best friend too, they shouldn’t care about it either. They’ll treat us like a brother or sister and we’ll eventually get it all figured out.

Forgiveness isn’t the easiest thing, but when it’s accomplished, it’s one of the greatest things.

(Today’s post is brought to you by my friend, Roy Yanke. There’s more about him below. He is one of the many fine people I have met whose mission it is to help pastors who have left the ministry. Today, this blog belongs to him. Make sure you check out his ministry and blog sites listed below. He’s doing some remarkable things.)

Long Time Now, by T-Bone Burnett

I been waiting for a long, long time
I been waiting for a long, long time
I been waiting for a long, long time
I been waiting for the long time now

I can hear the footsteps
Following behind me
Trying to find me
But when I turn around
I can’t see where the path goes
Into the shadows
Into the shadows

I been waiting for a long, long time
I been waiting for a long, long time
I been waiting for a long, long time
I been waiting for the long time now

I can hear you breathing
Whispering in my ear
There is nothing to fear
But when I turn around
As I see the trees bow
I only hear the wind blow

By mistake I felt alone
In my heart I’ve always known
You’d be there to bring me home

I been waiting for a long, long time
I been waiting for a long, long time
I been waiting for a long, long time
I been waiting for the long time now

There are no shortcuts coming back from a fall.

None of us wants to live with the pain, the shame, or the consequences of moral failure. The temptation, fairly soon after we fall, is to try to find a fast track back to where we once were. It is a common temptation, not exclusive to pastors. It is very difficult to sit with failure for very long. We believe that if we can just get moving again, the pain will disappear, people will forget and we, too, will forget the loss.

I have become convinced that this does not reflect the path that God has in mind for us; especially if we are going to recover and be restored in our most significant relationships. Often His plan involves a long period of waiting.

In 1991, my external world fell apart. I was an active, serious and committed pastor of a small but growing church. On the outside, everything looked great. But my internal world had been crumbling for some time. Baggage I had carried with me into my walk with Jesus had come with me into ministry. I was living a double life and, as is typical, the tension created by trying to manage my own sin couldn’t last for long. It was God’s severe mercy that brought me up short, turned the world upside down for me and all those around me, and sent me out of ministry.

It has now been more than two decades since the day God started to rework my life. As the years passed, I have journeyed through a great deal of shame and have answered a whole lot of questions. I needed to be restored in my relationship with God, my family and the Church, and a return to ministry was honestly never an option that occurred to me. But in the course of my journey, God’s great grace has been revealed through small steps and continual confirmations that He wasn’t through with me.

It took several years before I was finally able to ask, “Would God be angry at me if I thought about returning to ministry?” His answer was a clear one, given through the counsel of those around me who knew me best: “I am not angry, and I am not done with you yet!” That “return” has been incremental – reawakening the gifts God has given in the midst of our church family. Still, it took a “chance” breakfast meeting with a new friend last December to see God open the door to a return to full-time ministry – fully 21 years after my exit. Today, I am the Midwest Regional Director of PIR Ministries – a ministry that exists solely for the purpose of offering hope to at-risk and exited pastors.

The temptation to short cut God’s process in my life has reared its ugly head at various points along the way. But I have learned a hard lesson: trying to kick the door in, to find a quicker way out of the consequences of our failures, never accomplishes God’s purposes. There is purpose in pain. There is much to be learned in the long journey back. The biblical examples are there, too. It was 40 years after he committed murder that Moses was given the mantle of leadership for God’s people. Paul spent at least 3 years in the desert after his conversion, before Barnabas went looking for him.

As humans, we may always be in a rush, but God’s purposes and timing are perfect. There is another song, a worship song, which reminds me that, regardless of how long the journey, “He never let’s go!”

I am so glad to be a part of a ministry that believes it is possible to be restored from failure. I am also glad that the value of pain is written right into our mission statement. And, I am glad that we believe in a process of renewal that begins with being restored to God, family, and fellowship in the church FIRST. With that comes the knowledge and acceptance that not all who are restored are reinstated to a role of leadership.

At PIR Ministries, we come alongside the exited and fallen pastors to remind them that, no matter how long the wait, there is always a way back to restoration through Christ.

_____________________

Roy Yanke

Midwest Regional Director

PIR Ministries

www.exited-pastors.com

www.pirministries.com

(This is part three of a series of who is effected by the fall of a pastor. It’s been three years since my own fall from ministry and hopefully since writing Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World, talking to people who have hurt and been hurt, I have some hopeful advice.)

When a pastor falls, a sort of shock wave goes out through the community at large. The church finds out first and word spreads through many different sources. Some of the stories are shared accurately and some of the details become distorted as the tale is passed on.

Let’s look today at how the fall of a pastor effects the different parts of the community.

1. Those attached to the church

The local church is typically considered to be those who are members and attend with some regularity. Those who are attached might be regular attenders who have never joined, those who are members who consider it their home church, those who live in the community who attend strictly for special services, or those who send their children to the church but do not attend themselves. All of them hold some fondness for the church for a particular reason.

In the years since my fall, I’ve had a chance to talk to some of these folks and how the pastor’s fall had an effect on them. For some, there was great anger toward him and his sin. They were angry that he could commit such a sin and some returned to the church during the turmoil to show support. Some, if they were still members, would willingly show up to vote him out if he had not yet resigned.

Read more after the jump…

In this series, I’m trying to address all of the people who are effected by the fall of a pastor. Not only that, I’m asking, what can everyone do in the wake of his fall?

I get emails each week from many different people; pastors who just fell, wives whose husbands fell, churches whose pastors fell, etc. – and most are in a state of panic. “What happens now? What am I supposed to do right now?”

There are no easy answers. There isn’t a handbook that gives a quick answer. I’d love to say the book I wrote has easy, fast answers for everyone to patch up the damage that has just been inflicted. But in the wake of a fall, it takes time, understanding, patience and a willingness to forgive.

Today’s article is  on a very sensitive topic – the devastated spouse. I feel completely unqualified to write this because as the fallen pastor, I hurt my former wife. I’m not going to discuss my previous relationship, instead, I will rely on the interviews I did for my book, “Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World,” and the interactions I’ve had since then with people.

Read more after the jump.

I got an email a few weeks ago from a friend of mine, Ben Simpson, who reminded me of the dangers of pastors loving their churches more than Christ. I suggest you go read his blog. He’s a great thinker and theologian and as a young man, has a lot to offer us in today’s world. He has a heart of gold and much to share in this ever changing world.

He reminded me of a section in my book where I wrote about the church as the pastor’s “first mistress.” Shocked? Well, hold on. Let me go back and explain myself.

I’m writing this series to help people understand all the people who are effected by the fall of an adulterous pastor, or a pastor who falls for any reason. People are left in the wake of his sin. Churches, wives, friends, denominational leadership, associational leadership, family, etc. What is everyone supposed to make of this?

I was there, as a pastor, three years ago, almost to this day. I blogged about it anonymously and wrote a book about it called, “Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World.” It’s a book for fallen pastors, churches who have been betrayed by fallen pastors, wives of fallen pastors, anyone who has sinned greatly, those who distrust religion, and anyone looking for answers. No holds barred. I obviously have a heart to love on anyone who has fallen from grace. Why? Because Christ did. He loves us regardless how far we fall.

But let’s get back to reality. The pastor has committed adultery. He has been caught, red-handed. He has led your church for however many years. He has baptized your children, has led passionate sermons, put together some great programs for the lost, assembled numerous Vacation Bible Schools, but now, he’s a wretch. A complete loser. He violated the seventh commandment. Let’s kick the guy out.

Let me start with this little fact that you, as a church member, may not know. Keep reading after the jump.

I’ve had a few people wanting my opinion on Jack Schaap who recently fell in the ministry. I don’t typically respond to this type of thing.

First of all, I think megachurch pastors get enough attention from the media and bloggers. You can find his story anywhere online. When a big pastor falls, it’s gonna be news. Big news. I don’t blog about it. In fact, I weep about it. Whether it’s a big pastor who shepherds 1,000 or a bi-vocational pastor who leads 20, it’s always tragic.

There are no winners. A family is torn asunder. A church is left with questions. And in the wake of a megachurch, thousands are left wondering, ‘Why? How could he do this to us?”

The pain will be there for years to come. I’m not here to excuse the actions or sin of Jack Schaap. I fell from ministry three years ago and interviewed a lot of pastors, looking for reasons for why we fall. I published those reasons in my book. I don’t make excuses for our sin. We sinned. End of story. We did it. We committed adultery. We crossed the line. We broke the seventh commandment.

There were reasons that led up to the breaking of that commandment. There were circumstances that were common in each broken pastor. Isolation, poor relationship with spouse, church conflict, and overly high expectations. Could the fallen pastor have sought out help before falling? Sure. His sin was his own. But the church culture has a lot to do with the 1,500 pastors who fall each month due to moral failure, conflict or burnout.

I don’t excuse Pastor Schaap’s actions. Apparently, he, a 54 year old man, was involved with a 16 year old girl. He committed adultery.

There has been a lot of vitriol spilled his way in the past few weeks and that’s what I’m concerned about. But it’s not anything new.

Pastors are some of the most trusted people in our society. We look up to them. We honor them, we don’t expect them to sin greatly. And we shouldn’t. Scripture holds them to a high norm. They should be held to a high expectation.

The statistics on pastors are alarming and I quote them in my book, “Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World”:

- 80% and 84% of pastors and their wives are discouraged and dealing with depression

- More than 40% of pastors and 47% of their wives report they are suffering from burnout, frantic schedules, and unrealistic expectations

- 77% said they did not feel they did not have a good marriage

- 71% said they were burned out and they battle depression beyond fatigue on a weekly and even a daily basis

Again, I’m not making excuses. When someone sins, it’s not because of statistics. But this is the world pastors live in today. There is a dangerous culture pastors live in.

I did take exception to an article written by Ed Stetzer for the Christian Post. I had Dr. Stetzer for class at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He has set the bar for church planting in Southern Baptist life and has written several books which I highly recommend. He is a caring man who would do anything for his students and goes out of his way for people. He would give you the shirt off his back if you asked him to. When I had him for class, he loved me, cared for me and wanted to see me go in the right direction. I think he is a great attribute to the Kingdom of God.

He wrote an article called, “Call It What It Is: It’s Not Adultery. It’s Abuse.” Fair enough. I agree with many of his points. Schaap crossed a serious line in engaging in an affair with a girl. She was much younger than him. When an older man seeks out the attention of a younger girl, there are problems. Stetzer lines that out clearly and I think he does that well. His best point is one that hits home to me:

Don’t say, “But it is legal for a 54-year old to have sex with a 16-year old in Illinois.” Listen to those words before you say them. Consider your daughter.”

I have three daughters. And I would be horrified if I found out any of them were in an affair with a man that age. I would be absolutely sickened.

Stetzer calls upon those in Schaap’s denomination to take action; to make sure young girls are not victimized. I would add to that – “Southern Baptists (among others), make sure you are doing what it takes to care about the young in your congregations, because it is happening frequently as well. Check the police blotter.”

Back to the Stetzer article. He says:

IFB friends, your movement has had way too many scandals, and many of you have expressed concern about such– so speak up now. (There are plenty of lists of such scandals already.) Secrecy and circling the wagons breeds this kind of behavior and is destroying children and your movement. Your young pastors are leaving and your children are in danger.

Again, I agree. Something needs to be done. Maybe there are serious issues within that organization. But it has to start with the pastors. These men are under tremendous strain. With 1,500 men leaving the ministry a month, something is happening. It’s not limited to Independent Baptists. It’s across denominational lines. It happens to all of us.

We can’t just throw Jack Schaap out the door. He needs restoration. I’m not talking about putting him back in the pulpit. I’m talking about the one thing Dr. Stetzer missed in his article. And I apologize to him directly if he wasn’t meaning to write about it.

We have to go directly to the pastors who fall, as soon as they fall, and attempt to restore them to the faith. If I’ve quoted Galatians 6:1 once, I’ve quoted it a thousand times:  Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. (Galatians 6:1, ESV)

Bro. Schaap doesn’t need criticizing online (and I understand that most of Dr. Stetzer’s article was aimed at the IFB). He needs a band of brothers to seek him out, to restore him, to encourage repentance in him. At the same time, this young lady needs people to surround her, to help her, counsel her, love on her.

It may be a time for a clarion call to the Independent Baptists. But guess what? It’s happening across denominational lines. Every day. It’s happening right now in the Southern Baptist Convention. It’s happening in Methodist Churches, in Presbyterian Churches, in Episcopalian Churches. Until we recognize that our pastors are weak and in danger, it won’t stop.

Let’s not lay the shame and blame at one denomination’s doorstep. It’s a sin problem that isn’t going away any time soon unless we deal with the church culture at large and begin to help our pastors understand what is at stake before they fall.

All pastors are moments away from a fall. All pastors are weak if they don’t know what’s at stake and see the warning signs. Bro. Schaap was just the latest man who fell, due to his sinful nature and to temptation. It can happen to us all.

One final point I agree with. Having an affair with a 16 year old makes my skin crawl almost more than anything else. We must protect our children. Regardless, in the sight of God, adultery with a 16 year old or a 40 year old is sin nonetheless. If Bro. Schaap repents and seeks out the path of holiness, we are to support him, regardless of what he has done. Why? Because he is forgiven by God. That’s a tough thing to do for many people. We don’t support his sin, we support the man forgiven and redeemed by God.

Christ loves his children. Even the fallen ones. Like he loved the woman caught in adultery in John 8. He stood beside her while people wanted to stone her. He was the only friend she had that day. But he was all she needed. Bro. Schaap needs friends in the Christian community right now. And so does this young woman. So does her family. I pray that the fellowship of Christian people near them will respond in kind, as Christ would.

I’m the kind of guy who takes things very personally. Some people are just wired that way. I like to act like things just roll off my back and I really don’t care but I’m pretty sensitive.

For instance, if someone said to me, “You sounded like you didn’t care about Christian issues in your last post about “Chick-Fil-A.” I’d probably get a little upset. (But no one did because apparently since my server changed, my comments are disabled – haha!) I’d take it a little personal. One, because that’s not true and I’d assume they read it wrong. And two, because I do care. And under my strained sarcasm I do have a heart.

I’ve gotten better since I started blogging about not taking things personally, which is a good thing for all of us to learn.

I mention it today for a very serious reason. And this is a blog to be read very, very carefully.

Know why? Because I care about everyone on every side of this issue. Fallen pastors, their spouses, those they’ve been involved with, their churches, their families, their fellow pastors, their children – everyone. Know why? Because they are all worthy of the love and care of Christ.

When a pastor commits adultery and falls from the ministry, it hurts many people. Since my fall, I’ve had time to listen to people on every side of the fall. Of course, I was the adulterous pastor. I knew what it was like to be selfish, leave the ministry and not listen to anyone.

I’ve also had time to listen to the wives of fallen pastors. Hear their side of the story. I’ve also heard from the women who committed adultery with the pastor. I’ve talked to church members and friends of the fallen pastor. I’ve seen this issue from all sides and I must say, it has humbled me even greater than before.

After a pastor commits adultery, it breaks hearts. It wounds people. It makes a story for everyone. Sometimes it ends up on the front page of the newspaper if the church is big enough. It always makes the rounds in gossip in the community. Regardless, it is an act that hurts many people. It angers many. It leaves many asking, “Why? How? What are the reasons?”

Read more after the jump…..