They told me to listen to a song called “Get Your Shine On.” They told me it was pretty hard to listen to and easy to make fun of. I was not disappointed.

It is performed by the country band, “Florida Georgia Line,” and has some very memorable and awful, awful lyrics. Here’s the video. If you don’t want to watch it, I’ll give you a brief rundown. There’s the obligatory advertisement, the band ogling women, two “little people” wrestling Lucha Libre style, and a bunch of singing about shiny things. It is not life changing.

What does “Get Your Shine On” mean? Apparently, absolutely nothing. After reading several reviews, it’s a party song. Good beat, fun to listen to, but words that don’t give a meaningful narrative. My absolute favorite review was written by Liv Carter for Urban Country News. Carter states:

“Along with the continued assault on English grammar, ‘Shine’ just has nothing to say and therefore nothing to connect with. A meaning-free party song can be fun, but this is done in such a self-serious way, as partly evidenced by Tyler’s unnecessarily forced enunciation, that the tune gets in its own way.”

Now, I will admit that the band does some things right. They are really good at pointing out things that are shiny. I mean, like any talented pre-schooler, they have this down pat. Several “shiny” things are mentioned in the song (great job, guys!): “Hot lips (apparently adorned with lip gloss), a silver belt buckle, a smile, rhinestones, a candy painted Silverado (product placement), Ray Ban sunglasses (more product placement), Kentucky moonshine (which doesn’t actually “shine”, per se, but has the word “shine” in it – a delightful play on words!), and whatever a homemade jar of lemon drop is.

And of course, the most memorable line in this whole spazzed out neurotic new country anthem: “Slide that little sugar shaker over here.”

Yes. Slide it over here.

Listen, guys. Try that line out at work and see how it goes. You’ll either be fired or in tolerance classes in an hour. Better yet, I can guarantee you that some of the dating advice I will give my daughters will be, “Ladies, if a guy ever refers to any of your anatomy as a ‘sugar shaker,’ you best tell him he can hit the road.”

So, what are we left with here? A lot of imagery, sugar shaking, melody, little people in a music video, and bad lyric writing. Hey, if you like the song, good for you. You probably also liked “Wagon Wheel.” And you’ll probably like the next song I bust up for poor lyrical style.

And that’s okay too. Go get your shine on.

___________________

When he’s not writing serious articles on the weekend like this, Ray Carroll is working to help fallen pastors across the world. If you need help, whether you are a fallen minister, minister in trouble, church whose pastor has fallen, woman who was involved with a pastor, or wife of a fallen pastor, don’t hesitate to email. Ray is also author of the book, “Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World,” available in paperback or Amazon Kindle.

So, I was blogging the other day and my daughter Katie said, “Can I write a blog?” I said, “Really?” She said, “Yeah, but don’t read it while I write it!”

I was hesitant a bit, but I let my lovely 10 year old write. She said, “It’s done!” She wanted to write about what it was like being the daughter of “The Fallen Pastor.” She’s a very smart young woman and I’m very proud of her.

I’m really proud of all my kids. And I’m proud of her for wanting to do this. I learned something and I think we all can. So, here’s Katie:

Ok, so I really don’t know what to say so I’m just gonna say my daddy is awesome to start off. I love him so much!

When the whole THING happened I was six or seven so I didn’t know what was going on and now I’m ten and I understand almost everything about it. I forgave him right off the bat and so did my awesome sister Abigail. It was hard for me and my sister the first couple months then it got better then hard again  then easy again.

People say we have it really easy but nobody ever asked the kid that  “has it really easy” if they thought that they did! Times have been really hard especially at the  beginning of everything when people could have forgiven daddy and been nice to him but still might be a little mad, acted mean and daddy handled it very calmly.

I don’t know what I would do without by dad because he has taught me a lot in life and I’m so glad he is in my life! And I promise you, he didn’t tell me to write ANY of this stuff! Have a wonderful day! :]

Sincerely,

Katie

______________________

I would add, Katie, I love you very much too. I didn’t always handle everything “very calmly.” But since then, I’ve tried to do better. I hope you can see it. – Daddy

Really? There’s a big problem with that shirt. The company/companies that make them make thousands. So, there can’t be more than one “World’s Best Dad/Mom.” So, I propose if you wear that shirt, you automatically get on a list where you have to enter the octagon against everyone else wearing the shirt. Kinda like a WWF Royal Rumble. Last one left standing is the “World’s Best Mom/Dad.”

Also, we can do away with everyone posting on Facebook, “I have the best mom in the world!” Unless we can get some kind of understanding that everyone is saying in their minds at the end of the sentence, “to you, maybe.”

Alright, enough cynicism. I have a heart. So I’d like to tell you about the best Father’s Day gift I ever received. My wife Allison thought of it and along with my girls, put it together a couple of years ago. I was going through a rough patch at the time. Who am I kidding? I suffer from depression and anxiety and have rough patches somewhat frequently. So they thought they’d help.

Here is what they came up with:

It’s a jar filled with little pieces of construction paper that have little things the girls wrote on them.

Like this:

Or this:

Why yes. Yes I am.

I like this one that Abigail did. Really artsy with a Star Wars theme:

It was really cool. It’s especailly cool since I don’t always have the girls with me. I miss them terribly and sometimes I just need a pick me up. So I reach into the jar and grab a slip of paper. The best part? I haven’t made it all the way through the jar yet.

So, if you’re looking for an idea besides a lousy t-shirt for dad, this might work. And I hope everyone has a:

Here’s the link to it. Hope you enjoy it.

I’m available for just about any kind of interview. If you have any interest in the epidemic of pastors falling in our world, please check out my interview page and contact me. I have several of my interviews listed there.

Since I started this blog almost four years ago, I’ve blogged mostly about issues dealing with fallen pastors and how the culture is impacted.

Well, I’ve decided to get greedy with my weekends and start freelancing them. It’s going to be called “Weekend Blog Free For All” or, WBFFA. Catchy? Nope. But on weekends I choose, I’m going to blog about whatever I want that has nothing to do with fallenness, pastoral issues, the church, theology, or the other copious things I write about.

I’m doing thing because I had a recent post about a certain “Wagon Wheel,” that has created a lot of attention.

Tonight I had a discussion with my oldest daughter about how she would know who was the right man for her. I grabbed her iPhone and downloaded the song, “One,” by U2. We listened to it together and talked about the lyrics.

I told her that in the song, Bono was singing about a woman who demanded more from him than a mere relationship. She wanted him to go higher than love. To a metaphorical temple and crawl on his knees for him.

I said to her, “If a guy ever says, ‘If you really loved me, you would ______________.’ Or, ‘If you really cared for me, you would show it by ______________.’”

That’s not love, that’s manipulation. That is asking for more than love, that is asking for someone to crawl on their hands and knees to a temple higher than love. She understood. I told her that she should be loved just for who she is. For her qualities. For her person. For the woman she is. No one should demand more from her. She should be love for her inner beauty.

Bono sings about this – “did I ask too much, more than a lot? You asked me nothing, now it’s all I got.” Then, “Have you come here for forgiveness, have you come to raise the dead? Have you come here to play Jesus? To the lepers in your head?” If any of us are asked to be someone we are not in a relationship, then we should be wary. 99% of people never change. And anyone who asks us to change for them is probably not going to change themselves.

I told my sweet daughter to make sure she finds someone who loves her for who she is. But isn’t that the case for all of us? And who is it that loves us for who we are in this world? Our parents typically do, but many of you have stories where your parents don’t.

Only one truly loves us unconditionally. Christ. And if you think he doesn’t, your view is wrong. He loves you for who you are, sins and all. He just wants you as you are. He wants your obedience and to drop it all and follow Him.

The song resonates the same word, over and over – One. That we would all be One. Understanding love the same. Understanding one another the same. Not placing our expectations of one another up high, but knowing that all of us are broken.

Maybe then, we could achieve an understanding of where we are supposed to be. Maybe the, we would understand compassion and love as it is meant to be.

By the way, Johnny Cash has a great cover of this song too:

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you
Now you got someone to blame

You say
One love
One life
When it’s one need
In the night
It’s one love
We get to share it
It leaves you baby
If you don’t care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without

Well it’s too late
Tonight
To drag the past out
Into the light
We’re one
But we’re not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head
Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it’s all I got
We’re one
But we’re not the same
We hurt each other
Then we do it again

You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you made me crawl
And I can’t be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should

One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers

One life
But we’re not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other

One

Why do pastors commit adultery

I did. Four years ago. I wasn’t looking to commit adultery – and I don’t believe most pastors who cross the line are looking for it. I wrote a book about my fall and the stories of eleven other men who fell. I learned a lot about the circumstances that can make a pastor weak. Pastors are responsible for their sin. There are emotional, marriage, church and other issues that I outline in my book that can make the pastor weak.

So how is it that those who are the most respected people in our communities can commit a sin that most everyone finds to be the ultimate example of betrayal? Even in Scripture, God uses the language of adultery to compare Israel to be a people who have abandoned Him spiritually.

Let’s back up for a moment. Without sounding cynical, I have always found it interesting how most people watch television and movie dramas. My favorite example is the movie, “Bridges of Madison County.” If you’re not aware of the plot, after a woman dies in her old age, her children discover she had a brief affair with a photographer a long time ago. The movie basically justifies her adultery by showing how much the woman needed attention, was neglected by her husband and how the photographer filled a void in her life. If you watch the movie, you will probably find yourself justifying her actions.

But this is not a one time occurrence. Soap operas, movies, television, reality television (those are all very interesting links, by the way) are all set up to create sexual tension. Not to mention the 50 Shades drama over a year ago. We discovered that one of the main reading audiences was Christian women. We have a sexually charged society. We find ourselves rooting for characters to cheat on their spouses, but it’s okay, because they’re only characters in a fictional story.

But when adultery happens in our social circles or in our family, we find it appalling. And we should. Because it is.

But hold on for a second. When we see sex on the big screen, it is sensationalized and made to look like it has no consequences. Just like most violence. The first movie I can remember that ever showed the consequences of violence was “Unforgiven.” (Lots of Clint Eastwood in this blog.)

So where am I going with all of this?

I’m not justifying pastoral adultery. Don’t hear me saying that culture has made us weak and so any of us are prone to commit sin. No, that’s not it. But we do have an interesting social standard. We often think we are immune from television, the songs we hear, or the movies we watch. But we aren’t. How many of us tell our children, “Garbage in, garbage out“?

In my book, I note several things that lead a pastor to weakness: poor relationship with spouse, isolation, conflict with church, and overly high expectations.

Uncontrolled and not getting help, any of us can be weakened to a point where we will commit sin. But adultery is one of the sins that most Americans seems to hate the most. Despite the fact that statistics show that 25% of Americans have cheated on their spouse but not been caught.

Should pastors or any other person cheat? No. It’s a sin. Are there factors that make people weak? Yes. When we commit sin, it’s ours. We own it. Temptation may lead us to a sin, but we don’t have to commit it.

When someone is caught in an affair, there is obviously something that is fulfilling a desire for them. And it’s happening on several fronts. There is a need that they feel their spouse isn’t fulfilling. There is an escape from stress or conflict. Guilt? Yes. But the risk is greater than the reward.

But nothing ever lasts like that. Affairs are temporary. Any way it goes, one of the people figures out that it’s a fairy tale or both of them figure out that they really want to be together. Everything falls apart. One of them wants everything or one of them realizes the risks and knows it’s not worth it. Maybe it’s guilt, maybe it’s true repentance. But most of the time the remorse comes after the physical sin has occurred.

I can’t tell you how many pastors have contacted me and said “Well, I’ve cheated, my wife doesn’t know, but I’ve stopped seeing the woman I was with. I’m just going to stop. I think I can go on like I was before.” No, you can’t. Scripture says that our sin will find us out.

One statistic in my book is that 33% of conservative clergy have crossed the line with a woman not heir spouse but have not been caught.

Why do pastors commit adultery? The same reason anyone else does. Because we sin. Because we allow ourselves to get weak and don’t reach out for help. Because we think we are stronger than we are. But we are not. We all need help. We need a community of faith, mentors, friends, family and a net to fall into.

But we fall when we think we can manage our grief, our pain, our conflict, our pain all on our own. We decide to find comfort elsewhere. We never would have considered it before, but when our souls are in pain, we will be more susceptible than we have ever been. All of us. Not just pastors.

So pray for your leaders. The stress is great. If you want to know more, I’ve blogged a lot about it. Or read the Kindle or paperback version of my book.

As always, if you need help, please click the “contact” button above.

Pastors do undergo a lot of stress. I write about the high expectations pastors face in my book, “Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World.” Pastors are expected to juggle 16 major tasks at once. They are to look over the spiritual well being of the church, visit the ill, attend meetings, and soforth. If pastors get overwhelmed, it can be one of the things that lead them over the edge.

Not only that, but pastors get asked a lot of really, really difficult questions. Think about these for a moment:

“Where does my kitty cat go when he dies?”

“Where did God come from?”

“Why did my mother die of cancer?”

“Explain the end times to me.”

“Are certain people chosen for salvation?”

“Why do evil people seem to thrive yet I’m obeying God and I’m barely making it day to day?”

“How is Jesus both God and man?”

Difficult questions to be sure. When I pastored and really believed I had it “all figured out,” I had pat answers to most of those questions. After I fell, I realized it was my pride that led me to believe I had it “all figured out.” A lot of it is still God’s mystery and we still have to accept on faith.

Are pastors expected to have pat answers or compassionate ones? That’s not saying they can’t be mutually exclusive. Some say that a few of these questions are paradoxical. Others say that if a pastor has an answer to a question like Calvinism vs. Arminianism, he’s full of arrogance.

It’s tough being a pastor. Being the one who people go to for answers about ultimate truths. Being there during times of need and supplying comforting words when words seem so trivial.

If you have a pastor who has helped you, I encourage you to send him a card, an email, or a note giving him encouragement. You might not realize it, but many pastors feel discouraged very frequently. Many are focused on what they are doing wrong instead of what is going right. A kind word can go a long way.

What does a pastor know? Proabably a lot. And it should be shielded with humility, grace and kindness. But it should also be supported by the flock with encouragement, love and prayers.

Let me start with this. I can see how people reach my site by the search engine terms they use. Typically, it’s something like “fallen pastor” (go figure), “list of fallen pastors“, “my pastor committed adultery” or whatever. Lately, it’s been, “what does rock me mama like a wagon wheel mean?”

But I got a disturbing search the other day that led someone to my site. It said, “I’m a pastor and I want to kill myself.” No one contacted me and I never heard from the person who searched for that.

Listen closely. No matter what situation you’re in, I am here to listen. I fell from the ministry due to my own sexual sin and I know the times can get tough and despairing. I’ve talked to a lot of fallen pastors and they considered suicide. But that isn’t the answer. Don’t ever hesitate to reach out for help.

There are a lot of people out there that need help. The statistic that gets quoted a lot and that I quote in my book is that 1,500 pastors a month leave the ministry due to conflict, burnout or moral failure. Even if a third of those ministers, 500 of them, are leaving due to moral failure, that means there are a lot of pastors out there who need help.

So who might be out there? Do you fall into a group that might need help? Maybe you’re hesitant to contact someone. let me share with you some of the types of people I talk to and what you can expect.

1. Ministers who have fallen from their churches because of sexual sin. Whether they’ve reconciled with their wives or not and whether they got kicked straight to the curb or not, I’m here. I won’t judge, I just want to listen. I know where you are and I know what it feels like. I can listen, offer advice and tell you what the next few months are going to be like. Even if you’ve been fallen for a long time, I can still help. And if I can’t help, I can refer you to someone who can.

2. Church members who have been hurt by a fallen pastor. Whether they are leaders or people who placed a lot of faith and trust in their pastor, I’m here to listen. They ask a lot of “why” questions. I can offer insight, but not excuses. It doesn’t hurt to ask questions. I may not be able to give you a perfect answer, but I might be able to put you on the right path.

3. Spouses of pastors who cheated on them. Yeah, believe it or not, I get these emails too. They also want to know why. And I can help with that as well. Many ask, “how am I supposed to feel?” or “what do I do if he’s not coming home?” Each situation is very different.

4. Women who had an affair with a pastor and now find themselves on the outside, scorned by the church. Most pastors cheat on their wives with women in the church. In fact, the majority of the men I interviewed in my book cheated on their spouse with her best friend. Women in this situation are in need of help and the love of Christ as well. My wife started blogging about a year ago and she has helped several women who have been in this situation. If that’s where you are, please visit her blog and contact her.

5. Pastors who are considering adultery, engaged in adultery (but haven’t been caught), or are consumed in an emotional affair. If this is you, you probably feel one of two ways. You’re either immersed in your situation and don’t want help. It’s because you are so enamored with the one you’re with that you are in denial of your circumstances. Or, you may suddenly realize you are in over your head. Again, I’m here to talk.

Whatever you’re going through, there is someone you can talk to. Don’t wait until it’s too late. And hey, if it feels like it’s too late, it never is with Christ. He restores all sinners back to Him.

Also, for those of you who are listening, thank you for visiting the site. Take time to look around and check out the links above, read older posts or check out my book.

Thanks again!

We do live in a real world with other problems. Gun control, the Benghzi Hearings, the IRS problems, the economy, gas prices. If all of us could sit in a room together, I’m sure we could find a ton of stuff to complain about. I always remain an optimist, believe it or not. Why? Because I believe in the sovereignty of God. I love Habakkuk 3:17-19, with the understanding that it is just part of the whole of the book. (By the way, I always use esv.org for my quotes. Can’t stand the home page, but I love the content. The English Standard Version is free for download to just about any mobile device.)

God is always in control of this world. There is always something to celebrate. Maybe my optimism has something to do with my persistent, outdated postmillenialism. And that’s fine too. I believe that Christ is in total control.

Theology aside, there are a few things that happened this week that you might have missed that might bring you some joy and comfort. Here they are:

First, this item from the Tampa Rays, courtesy of The Big Lead. A little girl hasn’t seen her dad for over a year since he’s been deployed in Afghanistan. She was chosen to throw out the first pitch at a Tampa Rays game (which I must admit, weren’t named after me, but would have been cooler if they were.) Before she threw out the pitch, they showed a video of her dad telling her he would be home soon.

She threw the pitch, and it turned out that the catcher wasn’t a Rays catcher at all. It was, well…just watch the video and grab some kleenex. If you can’t view it there, go to The Big Lead link I provided above. It’s worth your time.

Second, I have an interesting story from the middle east about Colonel Sander’s chicken. Apparently, buckets of KFC are being smuggled by Egyptians into the Gaza Strip for $30 a piece. There is definitely hope for peace in the Middle East. See? All we have to do is rain chicken on them. But the question remains. What do they want? Original? Extra Crispy? Or Grilled? Seriously, if Secretary of State Kerry isn’t  looking into this, he’s a fool.

Thirdly, my lovely wife Allison asked me, “Why is a hotel breakfast called a continental breakfast?” I didn’t know. And I know everything. I was dumbfounded. Turns out, the term is derogatory. Check out this page and find why.

Finally, some personal news. I want to tell you that I’ve helped a lot of people in the past month. And that’s been great. But what really filled my soul was when my oldest daughter, Abigail made the praise band at her Christian school. She was nervous because no entering ninth grader ever made it. She’s a piano player and is phenomenal at it. People who know piano tell me that. She is going into it as an alternate, planing second keyboard.

But she came running out of school on Wednesday, eyes bright, smile wide and hugged me. Her life changed that day. The picture on here is the kind of look she had.

I’m very proud of her. Just like I’m proud of my other two daughters for the achievements in their lives. I want them to succeed in whatever they want to chase.

No matter which way the world seems to spin, we all have something to be happy about, don’t we? Even if those things in the world which we cannot control impact us, God shines blessings on us – whether it is through the eyes of a little girl who gets to see her dad unexpectedly, people who get to eat chicken again, when we get to understand the meaning of a word for the first time, or we see joy in our children.

The world as we see it portrayed on the news is a farce. It is designed to provoke fear in us. But when we look around to see what God is doing, we see joy. Unbridled. We see Him working all around us.

So I leave you with this – Abigail playing the piano, with nothing but joy: