We do live in a real world with other problems. Gun control, the Benghzi Hearings, the IRS problems, the economy, gas prices. If all of us could sit in a room together, I’m sure we could find a ton of stuff to complain about. I always remain an optimist, believe it or not. Why? Because I believe in the sovereignty of God. I love Habakkuk 3:17-19, with the understanding that it is just part of the whole of the book. (By the way, I always use esv.org for my quotes. Can’t stand the home page, but I love the content. The English Standard Version is free for download to just about any mobile device.)

God is always in control of this world. There is always something to celebrate. Maybe my optimism has something to do with my persistent, outdated postmillenialism. And that’s fine too. I believe that Christ is in total control.

Theology aside, there are a few things that happened this week that you might have missed that might bring you some joy and comfort. Here they are:

First, this item from the Tampa Rays, courtesy of The Big Lead. A little girl hasn’t seen her dad for over a year since he’s been deployed in Afghanistan. She was chosen to throw out the first pitch at a Tampa Rays game (which I must admit, weren’t named after me, but would have been cooler if they were.) Before she threw out the pitch, they showed a video of her dad telling her he would be home soon.

She threw the pitch, and it turned out that the catcher wasn’t a Rays catcher at all. It was, well…just watch the video and grab some kleenex. If you can’t view it there, go to The Big Lead link I provided above. It’s worth your time.

Second, I have an interesting story from the middle east about Colonel Sander’s chicken. Apparently, buckets of KFC are being smuggled by Egyptians into the Gaza Strip for $30 a piece. There is definitely hope for peace in the Middle East. See? All we have to do is rain chicken on them. But the question remains. What do they want? Original? Extra Crispy? Or Grilled? Seriously, if Secretary of State Kerry isn’t  looking into this, he’s a fool.

Thirdly, my lovely wife Allison asked me, “Why is a hotel breakfast called a continental breakfast?” I didn’t know. And I know everything. I was dumbfounded. Turns out, the term is derogatory. Check out this page and find why.

Finally, some personal news. I want to tell you that I’ve helped a lot of people in the past month. And that’s been great. But what really filled my soul was when my oldest daughter, Abigail made the praise band at her Christian school. She was nervous because no entering ninth grader ever made it. She’s a piano player and is phenomenal at it. People who know piano tell me that. She is going into it as an alternate, planing second keyboard.

But she came running out of school on Wednesday, eyes bright, smile wide and hugged me. Her life changed that day. The picture on here is the kind of look she had.

I’m very proud of her. Just like I’m proud of my other two daughters for the achievements in their lives. I want them to succeed in whatever they want to chase.

No matter which way the world seems to spin, we all have something to be happy about, don’t we? Even if those things in the world which we cannot control impact us, God shines blessings on us – whether it is through the eyes of a little girl who gets to see her dad unexpectedly, people who get to eat chicken again, when we get to understand the meaning of a word for the first time, or we see joy in our children.

The world as we see it portrayed on the news is a farce. It is designed to provoke fear in us. But when we look around to see what God is doing, we see joy. Unbridled. We see Him working all around us.

So I leave you with this – Abigail playing the piano, with nothing but joy:

Well, no, but there is a great alternative.

You can go to the App Store and download the Kindle app for free. You don’t even have to own a Kindle. From there, you can download books from Amazon for your iPad, iPad Mini or iPhone (or other device). The Kindle app lets you sync your books from wireless device to wireless device and helps you keep track of your place. You can also highlight significant passages, make bookmarks and other neat things.

So, if you’ve been waiting, wait no longer. There is a Kindle app for your electronic device. (Also for your Blackberry, Android, computer, or other tablet).

And as a side note, if you’re new here and wondering who this book is for, it’s for you. It’s not just for fallen pastors. It’s for people who want a healthier church. It’s for people who want to know forgiveness. It’s for those in seminary who want to prevent ministry failure. It’s for anyone who wants to hear stories of those who have been to the depths and back and who have felt the hope Christ offers. It’s for those who have been through church failure and want to find a way back.

Thanks for reading and please, if you have questions, check out my contact page.

Obviously, I have experience in this arena. I hurt my ex horribly with my actions. Hurt is the emotion that arises first, then anger. Then, both of those actions work together in an often disastrous mix. I’m happy to say my former wife and I have a good relationship today.

The sin of adultery is one that cuts right to the core of humanity. Have I felt it? No, but I am the one who caused the hurt. Since my fall from ministry, I have talked to those who have been on both sides of the fence. I have heard stories of messy divorces, arguments in public, punches thrown, and angry things said to children. All of these are the consequences of sin.

The hurt doesn’t just extend to spouses. The hurt runs deep in the church as well. Weeks and months after the fall of the minister, church members hurt and anger can extend to gossip in the community, social media such as Facebook or personal altercations.

The fallen pastor may also take place in the lashing out process. He may engage in the same arenas of speaking out, justifying his actions, showing passive aggressive behavior, or getting defensive when approached.

All three of these groups show similar characteristics. All will probably say they are justified in their anger. The church, spouse and family of the spouse will point to the fallen pastor’s actions as the touchstone of their anger. It will continually be the reason for every angry action they take. “He’s the one who sinned. He caused all of this.”

The pastor who may or may not have asked for forgiveness from God may feel that he has been forgiven. He may say, “God has forgiven me, I’m moving on.”

To be sure, it is a difficult and anxious situation. I know that being in the midst of it is a continually stressful and awful time. For this blog post, I’m going to assume any range of possibilities – that the relationship between pastor and spouse could work out or that it could end in divorce. I pray that any situation be resolved. But I’d like to throw out some suggestions that might help for anyone on either side of the situation. (Also, as a disclaimer, I’m guilty of doing most of these things wrong.)

Christ calls us to be peacemakers. This applies to both sides. Being a peacemaker is not an easy thing. Especially when the other “side” is aggressive and angry. It’s especially difficult when you are also angry and want the other side to understand your position. But when you engage yourself into the position of peacemaker, you are taking upon yourself true humility.

To do so, you have to not allow things to escalate. Regardless of what someone says to you or how they say it, you must stay calm, even and at peace. Realize that peace doesn’t come from circumstances around you, but from Christ within you. Is it difficult? Yes, but it is possible.

Read more after the jump…

If you’re a fallen pastor, know that the hurt that you have caused will not go away quickly. When I was interviewing experts for my book, I remember Dr. Hershael York told me that a fallen pastor had to get to a point where he was broken to his sin. That meant he didn’t get to judge someone else’s reaction to his sin:

“If you’re genuinely broken to your sin, you realize the people who are all handling it wrong were put in that position because you sinned; you had the choice, they didn’t.”

I’ve talked to a lot of fallen pastors – and I was one of them – I couldn’t understand why people were so hurt for so long. They are hurt and it can last for a long time. Sometimes their hurt comes out in a manner that is not Christ like. They may respond in a sinful manner. They are responsible for their own actions just like the fallen pastor is responsible for his original actions.

As a fallen pastor, you are to show them the grace that you wanted. Give them time, space and understanding to overcome the hurt. Don’t push them to forgive you. Don’t demand forgiveness. Don’t say, “Well, God commands you to forgive, so you have to.” Don’t do that. Just deal with them as you have to, show kindness and remorse and let God do what He needs to do.

If you’re a spouse or church member who has been hurt, take time to deal with your hurt. You’ve been through a traumatic event. But don’t go through it alone. Get professional help. I think the most harmful thing to do is to continue to gather together in groups of people who feel the same anger you do.

What I mean is this – if you are the spouse of a fallen pastor and he has left you, all kinds of people are going to surround you with comfort. Most of them are going to be sweet and kind. There are going to be a few in there who will share your disgust, churn up your anger and possibly turn you in a direction that will make your hurt and anger worse.

That’s why getting a third party opinion is so important. A lawyer is not a third party opinion. A close friend is not a third party opinion. A third party opinion might be a counselor, an expert who has dealt with this exact issue, or another expert in the field.

I’m not guiding against legal expertise or family support. Both of those are important for what they are. But third party emotional and mental support are vital for the long term, especially when children are involved. If you have hurt and anger, you need to heal.

“Don’t hit send!”

Leave social media out of it. I used to listen to a lot of sports radio. One guy I used to love to hear was former New York Jets coach Herm Edwards. He would talk about how angry people get and how easy it is to post things on Twitter, Facebook, or even to send an angry email. He would always say, “Don’t hit send!”

He’s right. I’ve been there. I’ve been guilty myself of sending out angry messages and having to go back and apologize later. If you’re online and have something to say about a fallen pastor, former church member, former spouse – don’t do it. Even if you’re on someone else’s site or Facebook wall. Even if you don’t think that the other person will see it. Even if you hope they do see it.

I’m not joking. The internet is forever.

Don’t talk to the kids about what’s going on.  Don’t even let them hear you on the phone with your significant other. It is each person’s duty to protect them from what family members, church members, and other say. They may be old enough to know and understand what is going on. If that’s the case, be honest with them. If they aren’t, agree on how to approach them about it. Get them help if necessary.

One final question for each group. First, for the fallen pastor. Have you repented? Even if you have divorced and the past is irreconcilable, have you repented to God? David says in the Psalms that he sinned against God and God alone. Ultimately, your sin is accountable to God. Every fallen pastor I know who has made his way back to humility had this realization and was humbled by it. There’s a huge difference between saying, “I’m sorry” and a face-planting repentance before God.

For church members, always recall the command in Galatians 6:1 to restore those who fall. We’re not talking about restoring the pastor back into the pulpit. But we are talking about restoring him back into the Christian community. It should grieve us that it is said of the Christian church at large that we “shoot our wounded.” Yes, the hurt is awful. Yes, it is a betrayal. But when a member falls overboard, we ought to go after him.

Finally, for spouses of fallen pastors, my heart goes out to you. There are many things that can lead up to the fall of a pastor. No one knows how hard the ministry life of a pastor and his spouse can be. But the ultimate betrayal is placed at your door. For months, you will have an innate desire to lash out at your husband. When you’re talking to him, when you’re at the attorney’s office, when you see a picture of him, when you are recalling a memory, you will have a feeling of hurt and anger.

At times you will want to hurt him back and you will probably have an opportunity to. All of your actions will come back to, “Well, he’s the one who sinned in the first place.” Yes, he was. And some day, you will find peace again. It’s hard to see what he did and leave.

And someday, I pray the idea of, “Well, he’s the one who sinned,” will no longer be a reason to lash out. Yes, I realize me saying that seems ridiculous. But I’ve seen it ruin a lot of people in the long run when peace could be had.

As a last idea, there are times when both sides are completely irrational. Neither side can be a peacemaker. Both sides escalate and get angry. Unfortunately, that’s the way things are sometimes. If that’s the way it is, don’t let it get out of control. Find a mediator. Don’t see each other face to face. Don’t talk to one another directly. Let things cool off. During that time, don’t worry about the other person’s heart, worry about yours. Let God fill your heart with peace.

He promises us that He will take care of us and work all things together for good. Let Him.

The link is here for the full program, but I’m in the second hour, starting around the 65 minute mark. Hope you’ll check it out. You can click the link to listen online or go to iTunes and download the May 7th version of the show.

They were amazing in their allowing me to share my story, the hope of the gospel, and the future of the church.

I wrote an article for it over at Provoketive Magazine. Click on over and go check it out. It might surprise you.

If you’re new here and need help for yourself or your church, check out the Help! page.

If you would like to contact me directly, try the contact page.

If you would like to have me come speak at  your church or gathering, try this page.

If you’re looking for my book, it’s available at Amazon on the Kindle or in paperback.

I’ve got a lot of blog posts about a ton of topics. Feel free to scroll around or search for a post.

Great insight. And I’m proud of the things she’s doing over there. She’s been able to help a lot of people. Click on over if you have a free minute.