Help!

helpYou may have stumbled upon this page looking for help. That’s great, because that’s why I started blogging. I’m a former fallen pastor who started blogging to clear my head. I started reaching out to try to find others to help me. Now, I hope I can help others.

Maybe you’re about to fall. You might be considering leaving your spouse or the ministry. Maybe you’ve already fallen and just want to talk to someone. Maybe you’re the spouse or loved one of a fallen pastor and need someone to talk to. Maybe you’re a confused church member left in the wake of a pastor who has committed adultery. Or maybe you’re a church leader whose pastor has committed a sin and you’re not sure what to do.

I don’t have all the answers, but I can listen. Check out my contact page.

You’ll also find a lot of answers and help in my book, Fallen Pastor: Finding Reconciliation in a Broken World. There are a lot of posts on this blog that might answer questions you already have (see below).

Whatever you do, don’t delay in reaching out to someone.

Also, if you are a woman who has been effected by a fall or is/was a woman involved with a pastor, check out my wife’s blog, Fallen Pastor’s Wife.

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Here are some of my blog links if you are looking for something to read right now. Whether you’re a pastor looking for help or someone trying to make sense of the situation, these are some posts that might lead you in the right direction:

Adultery: Don’t Try This at Home

Fallen Pastors Can Be Restored, A Personal Tale, Part 1: Hosted by Provoketive Magazine

Fallen Pastors Can Be Restored, A Personal Tale, Part 2: Hosted by Provoketive Magazine

Is Repentance Possible for the Fallen Pastor?

Pastoral Adultery Doesn’t Happen Overnight

My Pastor Sinned, What Do I Do?

What Can The SBC Do About All Her Adulterous Pastors?

God Still Loves the Fallen Pastor

When Our Unforgiveness Turns to Hate

A Pastor’s Story That Has Haunted Me

1,500 Americans are Disappearing a Month – Did You Notice?

Putting the Fallen Pastor in His Place (Article for Provoketive Magazine)

Pastors and Killer Expectations, Part 1: Where Do They Come From? (Four Part Series)

Jesus Took My Scarlet Letter and Stomped On It

A Sinner’s Guide to Finding a Church

When I’m Sorry Isn’t Enough (Three Part Series)

“Sexting”: Are There Rules?

“Sexting”: When It’s Okay

 

 

 

 

13 thoughts on “Help!”

  1. Been reading some of your blogs tonight. My husband and I pastored a local church for 22 years, until he “fell” in 2008. We were asked to leave the church, with no help offered whatsoever. 3 1/2 years on, this New Year’s Eve, I found out that my husband has done it again.
    At this stage, we are still living together. Although I am angry with him for the poor choices he has made, I am also very aware of the period of splits and difficulties in our ministry in the times which led up to the affair (just as you mentioned in your case). His father had also recently passed away. I don’t feel judgemental of him because I can very much see the contributory factors, however I don’t seem to be able to process all the emotions and turmoil going on. We have looked at marriage counselling but this is so expensive it’s money we currently simply don’t have. I wonder if you might be aware of a similar blog to yours, from the point of the forgiving pastor’s wife, where I could perhaps find some positive encouragement.

    1. I’m so sorry about your situation. I will be praying for you. I wish I knew of one. I’m thinking about a series specifically aimed toward the fallen pastor’s wife. Let me know if I can help.

  2. I have been signed off work for 4 weeks now. Good side is it’s given me time to read. I have read “Surviving Infidelity”, by Rona B. Subotnik and Gloria G Harris, which has turned out to be an excellent book; have downloaded “Why I Stayed” which will be next on the menu. Reading has been a great help and comfort, loneliness and isolation has been a problem. Does not do great for negative thinking which is currently my greatest battle. If any other ‘fallen pastor’s wife’ was to contact you, i’d be interested to communicate or start a somehow positive forum.

  3. Thank you :) I will try and get hold of that book. I am very encouraged to see someone’s praying, especially since we were effectively ostracised from fellowship 4 years ago, with no contact whatsoever even though we had been their pastors over 20 years. It has been the loneliest place. As suggested by someone in this blog, I read Gayle Haggard’s story and was amazed, and saddened, by the parallels.

    We are still ‘hanging in there’, as it were, and there are some positive signs which make me hopeful. However my teenage daughters worry that my desperate wish to ‘win this battle’ makes me deny the possibility that he may well betray us once more and we will go through all that pain again. We have recently started relationship counselling sessions and attending our third this Thurs. Many thanks once again for your message.

  4. Thank You! I am a former fallen pastor as well. That book helped me to deal with my sin and help me heal my marriage with my wife. He needs to read that book… Also we had the opportunity to personally speak to Gayle Haggard at a Conference my wife and Gayle spoke at this past October. Her book is awesome! If your husband needs someone to talk to… I am available to talk to him… Your marriage CAN WORK!

  5. Thanks, I’ll remember that. I ordered “Unfaithful” this morning following your recommendation – in the meantime, many thanks for your prayers.

  6. Mag – a ministers marriage is no diff than any other…it can be healed, yet it requires both to go all in & be totally honest… if anything a ministers marriage takes even more work to rebuild from an affair. if you or your husband would like to talk – we have been there too. we made it & are doing extremely well… why? God’s grace & my wife’s incredible love. prayers for you & your family…

Please take time to comment. If you're thinking it, going through it, hurting, someone else probably is too.

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